The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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