CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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