He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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