I can text with my tongue
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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