he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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