They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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