I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
