I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So drunk its hurt
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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