I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
