I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??