Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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