Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
