Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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