It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
