Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
operation harelip BJ is a go
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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