uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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