I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
