He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
