Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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