I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
