is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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