i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
