I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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