dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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