I'm really into asian looking animals
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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