Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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