Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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