Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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