So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
