But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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