Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
