it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
