I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
