Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
