You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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