for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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