His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
