i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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