a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
