The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
