I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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