dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
