Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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