I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
