4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
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I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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