hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
love makes seman taste better
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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