More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
