the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
