i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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