dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
