We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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