but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
