Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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