I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
