took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
