I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
