Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize