New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize