Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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