Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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