i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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