In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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