I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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