I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
