I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
