He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
